Listen to this episode of The Daily Kind on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Audible, Stitcher, Overcast, or on your podcast platform of choice.


Welcome to The Daily Kind, where we help you stay inspired to raise humans ready for anything.

I'm Kirk Wheeler. It's February 12th, 2021. I'm so glad you're here.

Have you ever had a flash of insight and think you have something meaningful to work from? It could be an idea for say a podcast, or a proposal, or design at work, and then you share it with someone you trust and they're able to bring this whole new perspective and clarity around the idea that you were missing.

I love it when that happens. It's one of the great joys of having people in our lives we can share ideas and thoughts with and learn in real time when failure is the seed.

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door." –Coco Chanel

I love this quote. It reminds me of the sunk cost fallacy. This idea of behavioral economics that we'll put effort, money, most importantly time into many of the things we've already put effort, money and time into, even if it's not going well, it could be an investment or business we're working on.

We tend to value the energy we put into things when it makes a lot more sense for us to just move forward and put our energy elsewhere. And earlier today I was trying to come up with some brilliant moment of clarity around this idea and so I asked my wife, if she could think of a story that might relate to it, that I could riff on.

And as usual, her insights were spot on. She said, well, that works for some, some kids are able to stop and realize when it's time to move on, but some kids aren't, we're all wired differently. And it got me thinking about this quote in a whole new way. It got me thinking that maybe in this context what's important is recognizing that as parents, sometimes we're beating on a wall and trying to turn it into a door, and it might be our kids.

We're hoping that if we could just be more patient, or teach an idea better, that the humans under our care will start to think about the world differently or pay more attention, or give up when it makes sense and move on. But that might not be their natural state. And that might be a great thing. I started thinking about some of the breakthroughs that can happen for those people who are actually willing to beat on a wall and end up transforming it into a door.

If we didn't have those people, the world would be a different place. If everyone was the same. And we all learned about the sunk cost fallacy and said, well, this is the exact right moment we should all just move on. It makes sense. We should do it. Then everything will be fine.

I don't think that's true. I think what makes a lot of sense is that we've got diversity, that some people have strengths that others don't, it's what makes the world interesting. It's what makes teams work. It's what makes life the rich tapestry that it is.

So what's the takeaway here?  (VO - Great. I was wondering when we would get to the takeaway)

Instead of trying to teach everybody in the exact same way. And trying to think about humans as these two dimensional characters and put them in this mold and take the stick figure and move it this way first and that way second, through the entire comic strip. Let's celebrate what's unique about the humans we're raising. Let's let their multidimensionality radiate. Let's do the reverse. Let's figure out what the differences are, what their strengths are, what they can do that no one else can. And amplify that.

I hope you find this helpful. Be sure to take care of yourself today, drink some water. And remember there is no perpetual parenting playbook. We're all learning as we go, and with curiosity as our map and the willingness to let some of us transform walls into doors. We can be ready for anything.

So good luck. You've got this. I'm rooting for you.

With gratitude,

Kirk