Welcome to The Daily Kind, where we help you stay inspired to raise humans ready for anything.

I'm Kirk Wheeler. It's January 5th, 2021. I'm so glad you're here. Yesterday we talked about how our instincts can serve us well, except when they don't. Sometimes we are blind to our own biases.

For today's idea we're going to start there. And in this case, ignorance truly is the source.

"Self-serving bias has immediate and obvious consequences for our ability to learn from experience" -Annie Duke

As we grow up, we build our skills and knowledge. We develop ways to thrive. We develop ways to cope. Basically, we try to navigate the world in the best way possible. Sometimes we have great teachers and mentors.

Sometimes we have to figure it out on our own. I spent a few years as a freelance audio mixer, that mixed records for indie musicians in Los Angeles and Austin. And what I found is every time someone auditioned my mixing skills, or listened to the work I'd done, and then chose to use me for their project, I felt great. I felt like all of the work I'd put in the gear choices I'd made, how much time I'd spent crafting the perfect vocal sound for someone, that all of that had paid off. That I was the reason I got the gig.

And when I didn't get the gig, it was really easy to think. Oh, they just not hearing what I'm able to do for them, or that other mixer must cost less.

But the truth was my skills just weren't where they should be. This is what's called self-serving bias. We attribute the positive events or outcomes in our life to our own efforts, but the negative outcome, well, we attribute that to someone else or something external. But many times, it's us. So, what I try to do now is look carefully at what I'm able to control.

Sometimes it's not much, but being aware that I have this bias in myself has helped me become a better professional. And it's helped me become a better parent. Knowing that there's always something more I could learn, that maybe it's actually not my child's fault. It could be something in me.

I hope you find this helpful. Just remember, there is no forever guidebook to parenting. We learn as we go, and using kindness as the language, our words ripple out in positive ways. And using curiosity as the map, there really is no wrong direction. Good luck today. You've got this. See you tomorrow.

The quote above comes from Annie Duke's book Thinking In Bets. I am a huge fan of her work and just started reading her newest book How To Decide. Both are highly recommended.